10 places you should definitely not be found coochie cooing at this Valentine’s Day!

If you don’t have a private space to canoodle this Valentine’s Day, please do everyone a favour and avoid doing it at all! Nobody is interested in witnessing your PDA… seriously! And if you really have to make a big, ostentatious display of your love, kindly avoid the following places. They aren’t meant to be spots to celebrate affection. If you want to spend some ‘quality’ time, go to a quality place! Thank you very much.

1. Parks/Monuments – Ah! The clichéd target! Couples, couples everywhere… not a single foothold to play! Sorry Coleridge, but parks are truly NO LONGER places for little kids or pet lovers to revel in. And dear couples, while you’re at it, please spare our historical monuments from the declarations of your undying love.

2. Metro stations/ Inside the metro – Another ultra-shady place for the ‘siamese twins’ kinda couples who can never get their hands off each other! Train stations and even inside the train are big no-nos for PDA as the whole friggin’ world can see and secretly judge you!

3. Parking lots – We bet each one of us has had that ‘parking lot’ moment. Parking lots may sound fine once in your lifetime but on Valentine’s Day, we beg you – Do not follow the masses. Be a little creative.

4. Cinema halls – We get it… you think it’s dark and no one really gets to know much. But that’s not entirely true! The little kids around you or the bored aunty next you can totally tell what you’re up to. And if your idea of spending the day of romance is replete with clichés like watching ’50 Shades of Grey’ together, please, PLEASE rent a DVD and excuse us the torture.

5. Autos – Talking about 50 Shades, unless you want the ‘auto waley bhaiya’ to witness your version of the movie, we’d say avoid the mush in these humble vehicles of public use!

6. Back of the car when your friend is driving you around – That’s plain desperate. And sick! And unbelievably down-market. Gah!

7. The ‘gali’ outside someone’s house – We’re not in school now, are we? Sitting on the neighbour’s bike and indulging in those ‘sweet nothings’ is just passé. If that’s your idea of making her feel oh-so-special, we have bad news for you! Even if she stays in the same locality as you – Still no!

8. Lifts in the malls – Seriously?! Okay… if you must… as long as there’s no one else in the lift with you both. Also, make sure there are no hidden cameras around. And the most crucial part should be making sure that you’re done before you arrive on your floor lest the lift doors open in front of 10 people!

9. Fitting rooms – That’s daring! Unless you’re the highly intrepid sorts, please avoid yourself and others the obvious embarrassment. If both of you do manage to sneak out of the fitting rooms unnoticed, give yourself a pat on the back.